Audio Interviews and Transcripts

Interview with Gary Berk
by Adam Quimby

This is the interview Adam conducted with Dr. Gary Berk, a family practitioner in Hermon, NY. He grew up in Long Island and went to school at Brown University. Like his partner Bryan, he only discovered his sexual orientation while in college. But as a gay man in a more urban area, he had a completely different experience from Bryan. In his interview, he discussed previous partners he had who eventually died from AIDS. You can read a part of the interview below in the transcript typed out by the student or listen to the full interview in the audio player below.


From 1:00 to 6:00

Gary: And it wasn’t until college when I met the first guy that I fell in love with, who was open about it, that I figured out that maybe I might be gay. And, uh, in college it was still something that was brand new, um, it was not talked about yet. There was something called Gay Lib, mostly for guys who looked effeminate, and um, the only outlet to meet other people was either to go to a bar or to meet people through friends. And I always found it to be very oppressive and not very pleasant and so, um, when things didn’t work out with my first boyfriend, I went back to girls for a couple of years. And I had a girlfriend and she was even Jewish and we could have gotten married and had my parents’ approval. But one day, right at the end of college, I had a revelation that, um, maybe this isn’t who I really am. And, I never, I had always been upfront with her, told her I might be bisexual and she said that’s ok, all my boyfriends have been that way. Um, but then when I actually told her, “No, I’m really gay.” She got very upset and we actually weren’t in touch again for almost 30 years.

Adam: Wow….

Gary: But now she sends me a happy birthday now that there is Facebook. Um, but back when I was in college, there was no such thing as computers yet. A computer was, um, an entire building was the computer; that was at Brown University where I went to college. And there was no such thing as meeting people online and dating the way that you do now. And uh, I’ve noticed that there aren’t bars and social groups the way there used to be because people have other ways of meeting people. So, anyway, after I broke up with my girlfriend, um, that’s when I sort of had my gay adolescence. Thankfully I didn’t catch HIV, that’s what everybody was doing in those days.

Adam: Mmhm.

Gary: That uh, people had casual sex, basically caught HIV, and literally I must know 10 or 20 people who actually died in the 1980s who were close friends. And it was just, I thought it was a miracle that I never got HIV so when I became, um, I went to University of Vermont for medical school, and then to Rochester for residency. And once I got to, uh, in Vermont I wasn’t fully out, but that’s when I was dating people and we would go to the bar and meet somebody and then we’d get together and that’s when I had really my first boyfriend, my only other real boyfriend. And he insisted on, um, going out with other people at the same time, and I was always upset by that, but there was nothing I could do about it. And, um, I guess I was sort of insecure, that I put up with something like that. But, um, after things didn’t work out with him, I ended up, um, going my own way, he went his own way. He met the man of his dreams, and they both died of AIDS.

Adam: Oh wow….

Gary: Probably over 10 years ago. Um, so, anyway when I was in Rochester for residency, there was another gay man in my residency class of 12 people, and that was the first time I actually got to explore developing that identity as a gay person. And, uh, I went to social groups, I went to the gay hiking group that was in Rochester and once night after a vacation I went to a bar in Rochester a couple of blocks from my house and that’s where I met Bryan, my current partner and we’ve been together for 30 years. And, it just happened. There was one seat open at the bar, and we identified somebody who we were both friends with. He was friends with Hal in college, I was friends with Hal, um, at medical school. And, he was once of our favorite people for both of us. And I knew that first night that he was the one. Like he was the person I was going to be with forever. We talked about having kids the first night, and we ended up adopting two kids and they are now 17 and 21. Um, and we had this long distance relationship, and he was not the person I would have ever pictured myself being with for the rest of my life.

Adam: And why is that?

Gary: Um, he came from a completely different background. He came from, um, he grew up on a dairy farm. Um, he was interested in history and had nothing to do with medicine and also when I first met him, he lived in a house that didn’t have electricity. And he built his own house up in the country and um, he seemed sort of radical to me compared to, like I’d think I was heading toward a more conservative sort of life. But I, that, was really possible. Um, being with him and then I came up for a rotation during residency and stayed with him and then worked with a doctor in Canton.