Audio Interviews and Transcripts

Interview with Jane Doe
by Natalie Iannetta

The thing about oral histories is that sometimes the subject chooses to remain anonymous. And it is up to the historian to preserve that anonymity out of respect for the subject. Below is the interview Natalie conducted with someone we will call Jane Doe. Jane knew she was different after puberty hit. At the time, Jane identified as male and didn't think of herself as anything but male. But she soon realized that the differences she felt were in fact characteristics of a trans woman. While she had a supportive family and a stable job unlike many trans people in the U.S., she experienced great hardships as she tried to express herself. You can read a part of the interview below in the transcript typed out by the student or listen to a select part of the interview in the audio control below.


From 3:35-6:22

Jane: And I think I had a sense I wasn’t like them, that I was different. When I was really really really young and I didn’t know why, um, I didn’t know why for a long time. But um, [takes deep breath] I just remember thinking that I don’t understand why they’re doing the things they are doing, or I didn’t understand exactly how um there thought process worked. And uh like this became more clear when puberty hit, um and and by the way I had no um like I wasn’t insisting to my mom that I was a gi-rl. I wasn’t wearing my mom's things um so I think that you know my story is... is...a a very real um story um in the sense that like it doesn’t... live up to the... the.. um like popular trans narratives. Um and as I’ve met more and more transgender people I realize that almost none of them do. And umm and uh so I think you know I was a boy and I tried to be like a boy and I didn’t think for a moment that I was anything but a boy um uh, but when puberty came around um uh and the other boys became interested in... in you know sneaking over to like a house where a bunch of girls might be having a sleep over or something like that. Um I didn’t really get it. Um I didn’t know why they were like so into that one idea. Um and uh I think around that time I started to um imitate other like boys and and you know as I got older, then that became men and I think I learned how to be a man by imitating other men. And I never really felt like umuh... I.. I never felt like um my life was anything like theirs was.

From 1:46:01-1:50:03

Jane:And I thought okay am I really ready to never use drugs again because I wasn’t. Umm and um you know because like if after going to the hospital and everyone knows that I am an addict and then I use, like now it's different, then oh I got sober and put my life back on track. Now um I don’t know what’s going to happen but um I did it, I made it to the hospital. And um my sister came to see me. I called her I said I told her what’s going on. She was shocked, she came and I saw her and broke down, when I saw her and detoxed for four days in the hospital. And uh when I...like was [clears throat] I was never really stable in the hospital because I was like ranting and raving at times. And uh um but BUT! but I did have a moment I guess of lucidity where um I thought to myself, okay now I have to work on my gender issues because that’s what is at the root of all this, and if I don’t do that then I am going to die. Umm so that became that was the start of my gender exploration that was um a little over four years ago. And I was 33 I think at the time uhh and uh I don’t know am I taking too long?

Natalie: Uh, so what do you think umm motivated you the most to get into that van? [The van that took her to the hospital]

Jane: Um I didn’t want to die, I didn’t really want to die, I just saw no alternative to dying. I wanted someone to help me. Um I felt completely alone and like um I wanted to, I did want to be taken care of. I wanted somebody to like um to, I didn’t want to, I wanted all these worries that I had about money now, and my career, school, what was going on with that. Um because I ruled out a career really kinda, in cinema. Um and um so I think somewhere in me there was a glimmer of hope that I could turn it around, but I think that uh mostly I didn’t believe it; but it must have been in their somewhere because I didn’t think there was any cure for my gender. My gender issues, but that is what I called them [laughs] at the time they were my gender issues, and uh I really thought there was no cure for that no answer. Uh so it was definitely like a last ditch effort uh that was it that’s what got me in. I was miserable, I mean I think I wanted somebody, to to, I wanted to be out of all that shit, I did.